You have changed

“We are done with this. Let’s end here. We cannot be together anymore. Enough is enough. I've adjusted all these years. And no more I can adjust.”  At this minute these lines reflect the thoughts of many people.

I personally know people who are currently undergoing this trauma. This case is not only with husband and wife relationships. I have seen this in every relationship.

I know a girl. She is my neighbour and hers is a love marriage. Both loved each other’s so much and she was adjusting with her husband in every way she could. His love for his wife is ceaseless. To me they both made a quintessential pair. But now her love towards him has reduced. She had to sacrifice at every point. She had to adjust with everyone in the family. She had to let her- self- respect - down for his love.

She did. She did all these for quite some years and has reached a saturation point where she can no more adjust, no more let her- self - respect ruin, and can no more sacrifice her priorities for him or his family. Her life has become miserable now.

One day, I worriedly shared to my brother about her life. About her husband being so egoistic that though he knows her longing, he is not ready to come down for her. He loves her; I have no doubt in it. But his ego means much to him than his Love for her. My Brother who carefully listened to the story what i narrated about her replied “The Change is in the girl. She loved the same egoistic guy who never used to come down for her. She married him happily and felt pleasure even in adjusting for him. The guy is same. He has not changed. The Change is in the girl. So, she has to rectify it. The guy is anyway loving her even now, in the same way “.

This remark from my brother was an aberration to me. She has been hurt. It is true that she considered adjusting for him as a pleasure. But it needn't always remain the same. It needn't always be only that she should adjust in everything for the sake of his Ego. When the guy doesn't respect his wife, how will his family respect her? I don’t say the guy should worship his wife. I am just asking can’t she be given respect as an equal human being. Can’t her words be considered in any one of the family issues?

No! I am not discussing about male chauvinism here. I am speaking about Ego. I am speaking about self respect which everyone has. I am speaking about Change in Human behaviour. People Change! You cannot expect one to remain the same over the years. It cannot always be one sided giving in any relationship. Every relationship has to follow mutual giving. One cannot expect the other to be the giver always. It may be fine in short term. In the long term it never works out so.

In last stage of few Old people I've generally seen the Grandmother never wanted to be with the Grandfather. Reason was she has to do everything to him. She has to listen to whatever he says. She has to be calm however he scolds. She was no more ready to tolerate all these. People tend to Change. Giving and taking should be mutual for a relationship to be long lasting.

Love people. Give them love as much as you can. But, not at the cost of your - self respect. Make them understand your feelings. Love and keep forgiving. Those who are worth would remain with you to make a long-lasting relationship. Those who do not worth will remain as a lesson.

You've been hurt; you've gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today.  Over the years, so many things have happened – things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow. As time passes nobody stays the same.

When somebody says that “You have changed” Don’t hesitate. Respond to them by saying, “Yes! Of course I've changed.  That’s what life is all about.  I’m still the same human being, just a little stronger now than I ever was before.”

You have changed. And that’s Okay!!