Wants and Needs !!

Have you ever thought about the difference between need and want?

NEED,  WANT – Such a fine line isn’t it ?

Economics gives you a lengthy description differentiating between the two. Am a Chartered Accountant by profession , but then my area of interest is always psychology. (Never late to take up!) .

Economics did not teach this. Science did not teach this. Religious studies did not teach this. A person who very recently came into my life has taught me this. That very difference between NEED and WANT. Yes ! exactly that thin line .

Wants are nothing but wishes. Wishes are limitless. When we get what we desired, we desire for the next thing. This is endless.

Each relationship is unique. The love we get from each is unique. One cannot replace the other. Every relationship demands some care, responsibility and commitment. No relationship is exception. Each bears its own commitment and responsibility. It is equally true that no relationship can be one- sided. That doesn’t work so in the long span. We have some minimum expectation at least from each relationship. When those wants (i.e. expectations) are not met by the other person, relationship fails.

The Commitment in each relationship is the need. The expectation towards each relationship is want. Sometimes we are so much focused on what we want; we miss the things we need.

There is no tailor made spouse. The concept of  a perfect match is a far-told lie. A relationship lasts as long as the people in that relationship mutually want that to last.

Eventually there came a day where I had to learn this difference between  want and need and the person who taught me the same happens to be my husband  :-)

 He is not a perfect Husband. I am neither a perfect wife for him.  In many instances he has not given me what I wish. Even today at times, he readily says a No- if I ask him for something.

But this MAN of mine has allllwayssss given me what I need. The utmost important thing for a relationship is Love, Care, Trust, Respect and Protection as a husband. He has never missed giving these to me.  Interesting part of this screenplay is- My wishes would be silly ones whereas my needs are the pillars to this relationship of ours. And he knows my needs better than me :-) 

In Life God doesn’t give us the people we want. Instead he gives us the people we need.To teach us , to protect us and to make us exactly the way we should be .

PS : Thank you Sir ji !! Not for teaching the difference but for being a reason behind my blog entry :-P

Acceptance

“Nothing comes easy in this world. Even SANTA comes with a clause”.

When such is the plight in the world the greatest gift you can give someone is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. It is not only a gift to the person whom we accept. It is a gift we give ourselves too. Yes !  Our Happiness is directly proportional to acceptance and inversely proportional to expectations. The more we learn to accept the more people the more we tend to lead a happy life.

Things can be changed. Situations can be changed. But I would say we don’t have any right to change people. You should either accept people for who they are or start living without them in your life. Everyone is a version. There is nothing neither absurd nor normal. Normal is just an illusion. The spider web which seems normal to the spider  is a chaos to a fly. 

You must love a person in such a way that the person you love feels free. Acceptance is the only way to make them feel free.

Acceptance is the one true thing which everyone longs for and every individual craves for. For any relationship acceptance is often more important than understanding. When you accept people, they are real. There is no room for lie. No room to fake.

I have tried this. You would really be astounded to see how a person feels comfortable with you and how true a person can turn out to be. You would really see the better version of that person each day when you start accepting them for what they are.

As Wes Angelozzi rightly said  “Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest and truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered. “

Try this from today and let me know how it works J

I AM in a Relationship !!

When my relatives ask me aren't you still married? I want to say that No! I am in relationship with myself;-P....I am weird like that ;-)

When I say I am in relationship with me, please don’t imagine wrongly okay!! I love myself and I feel complete by myself. I don’t need someone to fill my life. I am happy with ME , ME and ME again. I am with my friends, happy with my family and happy with my office. Everything around me is pleasant. Everyone around me is good.

I am a good person until you expect something from me:-P

Yes. The above line suits everyone. If you don’t expect anything from people around you then be sure you are going to be happy always. When expectation crops up, that is when the real problem starts.

Marriage life is full of vows. You cannot blame your spouse for expecting from you. He/she would have his/her own imagination about married life. Who knows in their wild imagination it can be like “the prince and the princess got married –and they lived happily ever after “tale. Everyone knows happily ever after marriages are only in fairy tales and movies.(These days real life stories are made as movies and hence chances of watching –Happy ever after marriage- movies also has come down !!)

Frankly speaking, this society and tradition has made the institution of marriage as a Mandatory one. There is no such thing like one cannot live without the other. Opinions vary. A person may not feel complete without other. When you are married you won’t feel complete without having a kid. We tend to add relationships to our circle and we feel we are not complete without our closed ones.

I am not against marriage. I am okay with the idea that you will always have a companion in that regard. But, is that sure that you will have your spouse as your companion? .Divorces would not have increased if that is the case. Fine! Are you sure enough that your spouse will live till you live in this world? Human life is uncertain. Who can guarantee you the life of others? Or even yours for this matter?

If you Love yourself. And if you are in relationship with yourself. If you feel you are complete by yourself then, you can love everyone and you would not expect anyone to complete your life and happiness. If marriage / relationships are your sole idea of complete happiness- then please go ahead J.Do what your heart says J . After all, that is the institution which has brought you and me into this world.

But always it is good to know that:

Being Single doesn't mean you are lonely

Being “together” doesn't mean you are happy.

(I read this somewhere and these lines.... still lingers in my mind)

Possessiveness

The immature human mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy - when in fact, they are completely incompatible; 

Possessiveness is needed in a relationship .But to what extent?

It depends on the person whom you love. If the person whom you love feels that your possessiveness is a sign of love and care, then it is fine. But if the person feels possessiveness as a bar on his/her freedom then please give them their space. Otherwise it will break the relationship.Letting them to be little free is always better than letting the relationship ruined. Giving Freedom always sounds good than getting Liberation.

You have a fear that someone might take away your loved ones from you. Possessiveness is nothing but the outcome of such fear.Understand that excessive possessiveness/jealousy doesn't mean how much you love them; rather it shows how much you dislike yourself. 

The image says a message. Look at the hands, it has sunlight and reflects love. As long as you gently keep your hands open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. But when you think of possessing it by closing your fingers around, you‘ll have only darkness and empty hand. This is how love is. When people love they try to posses and own them fully.They expect and demand. As a result just like the sunshine vanishing from the palm, love disappears. For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. Let your loved ones to be free .Give them their space.

Possessiveness hinders your individuality

While Love cherishes each other’s individuality

Possessiveness is selfish

While love is selfless

Possessiveness control the other person

While Love understands and allows other person’s ideas to take shape

Finally wanna conclude by saying this :

Trust a person to that extent where he/she feel guilty to cheat you and care for a person to that extent where he/she fears to lose you.

Relationships

Hi Friends,

“Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together”.

Yesterday when I had a chat with my friend, we discussed essentials for a relationship. Given here are few things which we consider as essentials. Actually a relationship involves a lot more inputs than given here.

1    Compromise.

It is better to bend a Little than to break.

Life is filled with compromises. The strength of a relationship not only lies in love but also in communication and compromises made. I've seen best buddies fighting with each other and wait for the other to speak. Compromising is not weakness. In fact I feel only the strong people can come down and compromise. They are strong enough to let go their Ego for the sake of friendship/ relationship which matters more.

No relationship is perfect, ever.  True love isn't found. It is built. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. The love is bigger than these small differences which causes disagreements.

Be the first to compromise. Be the strong person to let go your ego for relationship.

2.     Communicate

After every compromise, make the other person understand what you have gone through, how you have felt and let them know how much you have come down for his/her love. Communications should always be strong for any relationship.You have to express your views and express yourself to the other person.

Don’t expect the important people in your life to read your mind. True! There are people who can even understand your silence. Yes. This person whom you love will also be able to understand your silence. It all needs time. In the beginning any relationship needs so much of sacrifices, compromises and communication to reach that point where even your silence communicates your message to them.

Listen without defending and speak without offending.  Communication isn't just an important part of a relationship, it is the relationship.  Relationships often fail because of trust issues, commitment issues, and above all, communication issues. So never hide or fear. Express yourself. Communicate without offending.

3.    Choose Love as your weapon.

     Love can change anyone in this world. Always choose love over your anger.

Patience pays. Never take anger as your weapon. People who have love as their weapon can win any number of battles in life. A word of anger destroys 1000 good things done by you. Remember this. Never speak when you are anger. Take time. Be calm. Then speak to the person. Sit and resolve. If the other person is yelling at you in anger, remember! Anger is a cry for need of recognition. Many don’t understand this. They need your love. They need your recognition. Heal them with your love.

 4.     Accept and don’t expect.

Never expect others to change for you. Either you accept people as they are or you move on without them. We often tend to be sculptors, often carving out of others the image of what we want them to be. No. It doesn't suit them. Love the person as he/she is. You cannot expect a person to be as you are. If that is the case, you will end up loving your own reflection and not anyone else.

As I said in the beginning a relationship needs more input than the one which we discussed. You can very well add your inputs here. Floor is yours...