Possessiveness

The immature human mind often mistakes one for the other, or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy - when in fact, they are completely incompatible; 

Possessiveness is needed in a relationship .But to what extent?

It depends on the person whom you love. If the person whom you love feels that your possessiveness is a sign of love and care, then it is fine. But if the person feels possessiveness as a bar on his/her freedom then please give them their space. Otherwise it will break the relationship.Letting them to be little free is always better than letting the relationship ruined. Giving Freedom always sounds good than getting Liberation.

You have a fear that someone might take away your loved ones from you. Possessiveness is nothing but the outcome of such fear.Understand that excessive possessiveness/jealousy doesn't mean how much you love them; rather it shows how much you dislike yourself. 

The image says a message. Look at the hands, it has sunlight and reflects love. As long as you gently keep your hands open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. But when you think of possessing it by closing your fingers around, you‘ll have only darkness and empty hand. This is how love is. When people love they try to posses and own them fully.They expect and demand. As a result just like the sunshine vanishing from the palm, love disappears. For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. Let your loved ones to be free .Give them their space.

Possessiveness hinders your individuality

While Love cherishes each other’s individuality

Possessiveness is selfish

While love is selfless

Possessiveness control the other person

While Love understands and allows other person’s ideas to take shape

Finally wanna conclude by saying this :

Trust a person to that extent where he/she feel guilty to cheat you and care for a person to that extent where he/she fears to lose you.

A Rainy day

Hi friends,

It has been quite some time since I've visited here. Year end audits and finalization ....uh...  really hectic.

However my schedule is, there are few people who remind me about the blog and ask me to write something here. This post is for one such darling and this topic was also hers- “Rain”.

When she asked me to write about rain actually I did not know what to write about rain. People write poem with rain. But a blog post? I don’t know whether there is any.

 I love rain.I believed that anyone who says sunshine is pure happiness , has never danced in the rain until recently when I got my New I Phone 5s completely drenched in rain and seriously was admitted in ICU(Apple care center) where they said-“anything can be said after keeping it in observation for 48 hours”- Viola! You understood why I termed it as an ICU.Finally it was dead. I feel little withdrawn by rain from that day where it was my foolishness which killed my I-Phone though ;-(

This post is random one.

It was a rainy day. I went to temple nearby home. As soon as I entered the temple it started raining cats and dogs. As soon as I heard the sound I broadly smiled. I was happily enjoying rain sitting in temple. It seemed as if the rain is not going to stop.  I was distraught because of long waiting hours in temple in evening time.

You know I have this bad habit of crying when I am helpless. On such time when the first drop of tear after fighting the battle within wanted to pour out of the eye. This handsome guy came all the way searching me as he knew I did not reach my home. We both were very happy on seeing each others. He said, “God! At last I found you.” I said “You Stupid! Why did it take so much time for you to come in search of me :-P”

He knew I had wheezing trouble .Getting drenched in rain would definitely mean getting admitted in hospital in the next 2 days. It is only heart which functions fast than brain when it comes to love. Proving this he came in search without an umbrella :-P. But he handled the situation adroitly. He asked me to come out of temple. He wanted to protect me from rain and so he asked me to get into the biggggg t-shirt which he was wearing. I did as he said. My head was inside his tee and not minding the rain and dreadful roads, he rode fast and dropped me home. I always love him for what he is to me. But that day his act was uncanny according to me. My love to that guy grew from that day and from then it has been growing till date.

Wondering as to who is that handsome guy who came for my rescue on that rainy day? It is none other than my brother  who is Thayumanavan. Today being his birthday i would love to dedicate this post to him.Happy Birthday Payan :-). You don’t even remember this incident,but i do  although it is 13 years old story.

His life is not perfect but he never misses to smile each day. His path is neither neat nor straight but he never fails to bring a curve in lips of people around him.

After all...

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain.

Happy Rainy days guys !!

Do you choose to be Karna?

We all know Mahabharata is a great epic and even when we do not know each and every incident in it we know the main characters in it. Karna is one among such few. It is indisputable that Karna is one of the most fascinating characters in Mahabharata. I personally admire Karna for his charity, as a great warrior, his loyalty to friendship even when he knew he was against his own brothers. In fact, when I think about the way he was killed in the battle I turn disappointed with Krishna.

Everything happened for a reason. And Mahabharata stands as a great epic even till today.

When I analyse little of Karna’s life I learn that, Karna all through his life was not happy. Not happy even for a moment. It is true everywhere he was insulted for his illegal birth. Whenever Karna rose as a great hero, people used his birth which was his weakest point as a weapon to bring him down.

All Karna wanted all through his life was recognition, name and fame. Karna could have been happy in many ways. Though he did not know who his true mother was, his parents (the chariot and his wife) who brought him up were too caring and loving. As they were childless, they considered Karna as a gift and brought him up with all their love and care to this child. Inspite of this, Karna was not happy. He chose bitterness.

Karna was very much talented than Arjuna and anyone for this matter. Everyone knew that Arjuna cannot win Karna if they stand against each other in war. He was not happy with that.  Dhuryodhana considered Karna as his best friend and even made Karna as a king. Karna was loyal to his friend but not happy. He chose bitterness.

It is learnt that after Karna’s entry, every step which Dhuryodhana took never missed Karna’s suggestion. Whenever Shakuni suggested something, Dhuryodhana would turn to Karna for his approval. Only when Karna seems fine with the idea, Dhuryodhana used to take actions. If at all Karna, had said “No” to Shakuni’s suggestions and made Dhuryodhana understand the truth, there was no need for such a drastic war.

It is not that Karna did not know what he was doing was wrong. He knew. Pretty well, Karna knew he is on the wrong side. But all his life Karna tried to support his friend and show his loyalty to him, but not to correct him and preach him about good things. Karna chose enemity. Karna chose bitterness.

As we sow, so we reap. From the beginning till the end, Karna opted for bitterness. He always wanted name and fame but not happiness. He wanted to prove him as a great warrior not as a happy man. As he wished, he always stands as a great warrior and inspire every individual with his tremendous loyalty to friend, and his outstands every other character in Mahabharata with his charity.

But Karna was never happy. From his birth till death, he carried bitterness. He did not choose to be happy. As I always say, how others see you are not important, how you see yourself is what makes your life. Every man wishes for name and fame. No one denies it. People crave for recognition. In this pursuit, they fail to recognise the happiness which lies with them.

No matter what, be determined to be happy.

Spread happiness around you. Give a drop of it to each one you meet every day. Its speciality is - its quantity never comes down by giving it. Rather, it increases more. By giving happiness you feel happier than before.

Decide right now, and never turn back. Do you choose to be Karna?

Spread smiles. Make a difference with your smile. Make world a better place to live in.

Note: I know I have taken a critical character here. There are many fans of Karna who would oppose me for what I‘ve told about him. Am myself a great fan of Karna and that is the reason which made me keen in knowing his life and analyse his life more than anyone else in Mahabharat. I pity him for he didn’t choose to be happy throughout his life.

          

You cannot please everyone.

Hi Friends,

  

The Picture above conveys a wonderful message. Isn't it?

You can be the ripest, Juiciest peach in the world and there is still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

You cannot please everyone you see. There are people who dislike you, for whatever you do. They’ll hate you if you are pretty. They’ll hate you if you are not. They’ll hate you for what you lack and they’ll hate you for what you got. You will never be good enough for some people. Ask yourself “ Is this your problem or theirs??”

 When you try to be everything for everyone else, you lose yourself and that is what they wanted in first place.  If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone else, you've already forgotten your value.  Don’t do this to yourself.

Never compare yourself with anyone. Don’t think you want to have so many people loving you as someone else does have. Social comparison is the thief of Happiness. Give your best .Love everyone. Don’t try to be like someone, they aren't you.

Remember, Confidence isn't walking into a room with your nose in the air, and thinking you are better than everyone else; it’s walking into a room and not having to compare yourself to anyone else in the first place.

Highly confident people have no interest in pleasing everyone they meet.  They are aware that not all people agree on things, and that’s just how life works.  They focus on the quality of their relationships, instead of the quantity of them.   When you let go of the need to impress everyone, that's when you begin to be truly impressive to the few people who actually matter. 

Treat yourself as the most important person in the world, and treat others as you treat yourself. Having said this, never judge anyone. Judging a person doesn't show who they are it just shows who you are. So pay close attention, and respect people for who they are and not for whom you want them to be.  Loving and respecting others means allowing them to be themselves, whether you choose to be a part of their life or not.

Start noticing what you like about others and tell them.  Having an appreciation for how amazing the people around you are leads to good places – productive, fulfilling, peaceful places.  So be happy for those who are making progress.  Cheer for their victories.  Be thankful for their blessings, openly.  What goes around comes around, and sooner or later the people you’re cheering for will start cheering for you. Most important don’t do this to please them, do this because you will feel good after appreciating and encouraging someone. This seems Selfish right? Well, there is no mistake in being selfish when your selfishness is bringing joy to people around you.

Stop living to please everyone and start living in a way which pleases the most important person in the world that is “YOU”. Just be yourself. It will be good to know who is down with that.

Life – As you make it.

As you all are aware, Life is unpredictable - very much unpredictable.

We all die.  The goal isn’t to live forever; the goal is to create something that will… an idea or gesture that helps others live better. 

Don’t wish your life away. Live it. Experience it. Work at it. Everything you go through helps you in growing. Let each day be a scavenger hunt in which you must find at least one of these things: a sincere laugh, an act of kindness, a realization, or a lesson that leads you closer to your dreams.

There is no guarantee that people to whom you are speaking today are going to live tomorrow. Nor there is a guarantee that you are going to live. In last 10 days I've heard of 2 deaths of people who were hale and healthy .Hatred and anger mayor may not ruin the people whom we hate but definitely ruins the person who possess it. Life is short. I cannot afford to give it to hatred and anger.

Never make regrets and guilt as a way of life. You cannot start the next chapter of your life, if you keep re-reading the last one. Move on. Flow with reality, not against it.  And don’t be trying 24/7 to fix everything.  Some things don’t need fixing… they just need acceptance.  What you resist only stays with you longer.  When you fight something, you only make it stronger.  Never force anything.  Give it your best shot, and then let it be.  If it’s meant to be, it will be.  Don’t hold yourself down with things you can’t control.

 

Love people. Love like there’s no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love some more.

Never keep love as conditional clause. It is absurd to say “I love you” - * conditions apply.

Love unconditionally. Love can give memories which no one can steal and also pain which no one can heal. Anyways, love. Love unconditionally.

Live every moment. If you wish to meet a person, go and meet them. If meeting is not possible, make a call and speak to them. Never miss a chance to tell your loved ones, that you love them or miss them. Kiss your loved ones, hug them. Life is too unpredictable to live by schedules.

True! Sometimes we tend to lose people and precious things which we cherished as ours.  When your own life is not permanent, how can you expect people or other valuable things which remain in your life for time being as permanent? Everything happens for a reason. Every person comes into your life for a purpose. Never make your happiness dependent on anyone.

Life does not come with a user manual. Live as you wish. Act crazily. Sing loud. Dance wild. At the end it’s not what the world takes away from you that count; it’s what you do with what you have left.

Click sooooooo many pictures. Create memories. “ Life is like a camera, Focus on what is important. Capture the good times. Develop from the negatives and if things don’t work out. Take another shot J “

 Stay Green! Keep Loving !

Relationships

Hi Friends,

“Good relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience and two people who truly want to be together”.

Yesterday when I had a chat with my friend, we discussed essentials for a relationship. Given here are few things which we consider as essentials. Actually a relationship involves a lot more inputs than given here.

1    Compromise.

It is better to bend a Little than to break.

Life is filled with compromises. The strength of a relationship not only lies in love but also in communication and compromises made. I've seen best buddies fighting with each other and wait for the other to speak. Compromising is not weakness. In fact I feel only the strong people can come down and compromise. They are strong enough to let go their Ego for the sake of friendship/ relationship which matters more.

No relationship is perfect, ever.  True love isn't found. It is built. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. The love is bigger than these small differences which causes disagreements.

Be the first to compromise. Be the strong person to let go your ego for relationship.

2.     Communicate

After every compromise, make the other person understand what you have gone through, how you have felt and let them know how much you have come down for his/her love. Communications should always be strong for any relationship.You have to express your views and express yourself to the other person.

Don’t expect the important people in your life to read your mind. True! There are people who can even understand your silence. Yes. This person whom you love will also be able to understand your silence. It all needs time. In the beginning any relationship needs so much of sacrifices, compromises and communication to reach that point where even your silence communicates your message to them.

Listen without defending and speak without offending.  Communication isn't just an important part of a relationship, it is the relationship.  Relationships often fail because of trust issues, commitment issues, and above all, communication issues. So never hide or fear. Express yourself. Communicate without offending.

3.    Choose Love as your weapon.

     Love can change anyone in this world. Always choose love over your anger.

Patience pays. Never take anger as your weapon. People who have love as their weapon can win any number of battles in life. A word of anger destroys 1000 good things done by you. Remember this. Never speak when you are anger. Take time. Be calm. Then speak to the person. Sit and resolve. If the other person is yelling at you in anger, remember! Anger is a cry for need of recognition. Many don’t understand this. They need your love. They need your recognition. Heal them with your love.

 4.     Accept and don’t expect.

Never expect others to change for you. Either you accept people as they are or you move on without them. We often tend to be sculptors, often carving out of others the image of what we want them to be. No. It doesn't suit them. Love the person as he/she is. You cannot expect a person to be as you are. If that is the case, you will end up loving your own reflection and not anyone else.

As I said in the beginning a relationship needs more input than the one which we discussed. You can very well add your inputs here. Floor is yours...

What others think about you?

Ethel Barrett once said, “We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.”

In each little thing we do, we often tend to think as how others might think. If you ask my granny to dance, she would love to dance but then comes her fear as “what others might think if I dance at this age? People would laugh”.

I’ve seen my friends in class who would hesitate to ask doubts in their subjects thinking others would laugh at their silly doubts. Hey! It may be silly to them. But you have a doubt and try asking it next time. Just see, how many would join you for that simple doubt. Even they were hesitant to ask as you did. Once you stand up and ask that doubt slowly others would raise their hands and join you.

No one denies if I say childhood was the best part of life. Childhood days- where we did not bother as to how people think about us. Where we did everything we wanted exactly in the way we wanted it to be done. Be it right or wrong, good or bad, extraordinary or poor we did it as we loved it. Till date that stays as the best part of our lives. 

Some problems in life, such as not knowing what others think of you, are not really meant to be resolved.  How people perceive you may have more to do with them than you anyway.  Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t even thinking about you.

Get comfortable with not knowing what other people think. They may even like or dislike you simply because you’ve triggered an association in their minds by reminding them of someone they liked or disliked from their past, which has absolutely nothing to do with you. It is their worry and not yours.

Every individual are unique. Whatever you do, few would love them and few would hate them. It is their problem in any case. Understand people out there are equally busy as you do. When you are dealing with your weirdness here, everyone around you are dealing with their own. If you fear that someone is judging you, it is your own illusion. It’s you judging yourself that’s the problem.

As I said every individual are unique in their own way. Don’t try to be normal. There is no such thing in real. What seems normal to you will be weird to others. Life is all about spending it in your own way.  Always be yourself and walk comfortably in your own shoes. 

The more relaxed you become with your own differences, the more comfortable you will start to feel just being YOU. Celebrate being different. Anyone who tells you you’re doing it wrong… is wrong. When everyone laughs at you for being different, you laugh louder because they are all the same.

How others see you is not important.  How you see yourself means the world. 

If you find yourself feeling like a fish out of water, by all means find a new river to swim in.  But DO NOT change who you are; BE who you are.

Its been long that i posted here. Sorry guys, I was busy in my own wierd world :-P ;-)

Kindness

“I would rather make mistakes in kindness and compassion than work miracles in unkindness and hardness.” ― Mother Teresa

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” ― Plato

Kindness costs nothing but its benefits cannot be measured. 

I need not go somewhere else to quote an example here. I am a good example for this. In many cases, most of the cases when a person gets angry with me I try to explain myself, I try to defend me first without understanding that they are hurt. I have my own alibis every time. Later, I understand the reason why they were seething at me. I try to convince them. I do not get angry when they use hurting words at me too. But I try to narrate my part and explain my side of truth every time. In many cases the fights end up with rancor because of my attitude.

It is never too late that I understood “To Be Kind is more important than to be right. Many times, what people need is not a Brilliant mind that speaks but a special heart that listens. “I may have a valid reason. But when the other person is seething, they are not doing it to prove you are wrong. It would be because they wanted to convey you how much you mean to them. How much your excuses hurt them. Try to understand the love behind every fight. If the reason they fight is not to prove you were wrong, then it is not that your side of explanations are going to help them. It is your love and kindness which you show to them even when they are in their bad state of mind helps.

I've seen people who try to discourage and to bring down everyone around them. To those I would say “Never look down on anybody when you are not intending to helping them up”.

Bear in Mind, Any fool can criticize, condemn, complaint – and most fools do!! But it takes Character and self-control to be understanding and encouraging.

People feel Kindness and Politeness as Overrated. And so they hesitate to use them often. But the fact is they are actually not over rated but under used. A word of Kindness can create confidence and motivate a person which serves as a seed for him to flourish. Kindness in thinking creates positive. Kindness brings love and strength. Through kindness you have the ability to make a profound difference in every life you touch, including your own.  When you guide someone who is lost and confused, when you hold someone who is sad and grieving, when you hug someone who has lost all their hope, you too will feel yourself healing and growing stronger. 

Kind words are short and easy to speak. But their echoes are endless –Mother Teresa has rightly said. Her Kindness is what has given her the special place which none others can ever think of getting. If your Kind words can change people, the way they think and feel, the way they see themselves and the way they interpret the world it means you can change the way they live their lives, and how they affect others. You may not have the power to change the world with your Kind acts. But you can definitely change someone’s world .You can definitely make the world a better place to live in.

Yes! Every one you meet is fighting a harder Battle as you do or even worse.

Treat people as you would love to be treated.

Be genuinely kind to everyone.

Don’t wait for people to be Kind, show them how.

Understand- Kindness does not show your good manners, it shows that you’re humane.

You have changed

“We are done with this. Let’s end here. We cannot be together anymore. Enough is enough. I've adjusted all these years. And no more I can adjust.”  At this minute these lines reflect the thoughts of many people.

I personally know people who are currently undergoing this trauma. This case is not only with husband and wife relationships. I have seen this in every relationship.

I know a girl. She is my neighbour and hers is a love marriage. Both loved each other’s so much and she was adjusting with her husband in every way she could. His love for his wife is ceaseless. To me they both made a quintessential pair. But now her love towards him has reduced. She had to sacrifice at every point. She had to adjust with everyone in the family. She had to let her- self- respect - down for his love.

She did. She did all these for quite some years and has reached a saturation point where she can no more adjust, no more let her- self - respect ruin, and can no more sacrifice her priorities for him or his family. Her life has become miserable now.

One day, I worriedly shared to my brother about her life. About her husband being so egoistic that though he knows her longing, he is not ready to come down for her. He loves her; I have no doubt in it. But his ego means much to him than his Love for her. My Brother who carefully listened to the story what i narrated about her replied “The Change is in the girl. She loved the same egoistic guy who never used to come down for her. She married him happily and felt pleasure even in adjusting for him. The guy is same. He has not changed. The Change is in the girl. So, she has to rectify it. The guy is anyway loving her even now, in the same way “.

This remark from my brother was an aberration to me. She has been hurt. It is true that she considered adjusting for him as a pleasure. But it needn't always remain the same. It needn't always be only that she should adjust in everything for the sake of his Ego. When the guy doesn't respect his wife, how will his family respect her? I don’t say the guy should worship his wife. I am just asking can’t she be given respect as an equal human being. Can’t her words be considered in any one of the family issues?

No! I am not discussing about male chauvinism here. I am speaking about Ego. I am speaking about self respect which everyone has. I am speaking about Change in Human behaviour. People Change! You cannot expect one to remain the same over the years. It cannot always be one sided giving in any relationship. Every relationship has to follow mutual giving. One cannot expect the other to be the giver always. It may be fine in short term. In the long term it never works out so.

In last stage of few Old people I've generally seen the Grandmother never wanted to be with the Grandfather. Reason was she has to do everything to him. She has to listen to whatever he says. She has to be calm however he scolds. She was no more ready to tolerate all these. People tend to Change. Giving and taking should be mutual for a relationship to be long lasting.

Love people. Give them love as much as you can. But, not at the cost of your - self respect. Make them understand your feelings. Love and keep forgiving. Those who are worth would remain with you to make a long-lasting relationship. Those who do not worth will remain as a lesson.

You've been hurt; you've gone through numerous ups and downs that have made you who you are today.  Over the years, so many things have happened – things that have changed your perspective, taught you lessons, and forced your spirit to grow. As time passes nobody stays the same.

When somebody says that “You have changed” Don’t hesitate. Respond to them by saying, “Yes! Of course I've changed.  That’s what life is all about.  I’m still the same human being, just a little stronger now than I ever was before.”

You have changed. And that’s Okay!!

Happiness is your Choice :-)

Hi Friends,

After months I am writing here today.

One of my friends got married recently. Before marriage she had so much to complain about her House Owner, her boss, her relatives and who not? She was never happy. There was no day where she was happy. She never accepted/recognized that she was happy.

Today, after her marriage which is quite few months, I met her. My hope was that she’ll say she is Happy. I wished at least her marriage life should make her feel Happy. But she feels she was happy before her marriage. Though I hoped that she would feel happy, this reply of hers was not a surprise to me. I knew she can never be Happy in her life because she never opted to choose Happiness over other things.

Yes! Happiness is your choice. Understand that the greater part of your misery or unhappiness is determined not by your circumstances, but by your attitude.  A happy person is not a person who is always in a good situation, but rather a person who always has a good attitude in every situation. No one is perfect and thus no one’s Life is. After all, Being Happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It just means you choose to be happy by looking beyond imperfections.

People may try to put you down or hurt you. Smile at those who often try to begrudge or hurt you; show them what’s missing in their life and what they can’t take away from you.  Doing so doesn't mean forgetting or giving in; it means you choose happiness over hurt. Be determined to be positive.

Never have criteria or conditions to feel Happy.  Remember! Happiness is a Journey and not the Destination. Never expect others to give you happiness. It is already within you. You have to just choose it. You cannot keep everyone around you happy. But, you can try your best. In this pursuit of trying, never forget to keep one person happy.

That is “YOU”.

Happiness starts with YOU

Not with your relationships

Not With your Job

Not with Money

But With YOU.